Dear Kate,
How can one solve problems in family situations without getting too involved? I have a great family but struggle finding the right balance between helping and becoming absorbed. Please help me so I can keep some sanity.
Sincerely,
Girl Who Just Wants Her Family Back To Normal
Dear Girl Who Just Wants Her Family Back To Normal,
Dealing with family drama can be very challenging. I come from a very close and very meddlesome family. We all love one another so much that we can't keep our noses out of each other's lives. The following are some hints you that may help you find balance when dealing with the family drama.
The first tip is probably the most crucial: Try avoiding the family gossip network. I know it seems really innocent and very second nature to talk about family members behind their backs while trying to come up with a solution to some problem. This is especially prevalent if you have one family member who seems to be the constant source of drama for your family. Unfortunately, the best of intentions can be interpreted negatively if they get back to the person under discussion.
If you stop and think about it, no one likes to be the subject of gossip, and the hurt is only amplified when it is a family member spreading it.
We are also going to revisit an old school rule. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I'm going to add to that if you can't say something to the person's face, don't say it at all. It is easier said than done and heaven knows I'm nowhere near good enough at this yet, but I'm sure a lot of conflict would be avoided if you could adopt this one tip.
Another thing to analyze is the source of the drama. If it is consistently the same person causing it, he/she may just love drama. There are some people in this world who can't live without some sort of turmoil in their life.
Realizing there might be someone in the family who wants to have things constantly stirred up may be half the battle. If this is the case, it may be a good idea to lay low around that individual.
One other tip for keeping out of the drama that can start in families is to stay out of arguments that don't involve you. Even if you think you are being neutral, chances are everyone else involved will not see it that way. Someone is going to think you are taking sides. You will then get sucked into the drama without even trying.
The last idea I have for you is to get your family away from the drama and do something fun together that helps build up relationships, rather than drag them down. Help plan a family vacation or weekend away together. Even just a night of card games or a Mario Cart Wii competition can be a huge breath of fresh air for families who are dealing with some drama.
All in all, Girl Who Just Wants Her Family Back to Normal, there is a very fine line between being too meddlesome and allowing things to work out. It is difficult not to get involved when drama surrounds the people you love the most on this planet, but often it's better to avoid than getting involved. Clearly communicate with them that you love them and are available for them, but allow breathing room if you aren't involved. This will help you keep your sanity.
Thank you for your letter. I hope your family works things out and y'all can go on a vacation together soon.
Sincerely,
Kate
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